Cloaked communication is like trying to see through a dirty window.

Cloaked communication is like trying to see through a dirty window, the whole world become distorted. It’s time to get clear and say what we mean and mean what we say.

20130719-103637.jpg

I’ve come to realise we humans are a funny lot at times. Recently this has become evident for me in the lack of clear, honest communication. When people aren’t honest with themselves or with those around them how are we to make clear meaning of what is said?

Many of us take literally what people say and then are confused when the other person’s actions, tone and manner are not congruent with their words. When people say one thing but mean another that’s just plain confusing, hurtful and dishonest.

We do not have to be mean to say what we mean but for goodness sake if you are upset, angry, mad, sad, disappointed just say it and then be clear about what has upset you, made you mad, angry, sad or disappointed. That way both parties are on the same page. It’s terribly disconcerting to have someone tell you everything is fine to then witness them behaving in ways that betray their very words.

Being on the receiving end of this type of “communication” leaves you wondering what upset the status quo and you feel as though you are negotiating your way through a minefield (or should I say mindfield). I am guilty of this. I have done this to my husband at times and expected him to be a mind reader and just know what is going on in my head. The poor thing, he hasn’t got a chance.

Having been on the receiving end of this behaviour lately I now have a crystal clear understanding of just how dreadful this cloaked, cloudy communication is to experience. I’ve been left constantly wondering, agonising, questioning myself – what went wrong? What is it that is really bothering this person? They say nothing is wrong but they indicate through their every interaction that that simply is not the case. What do I do: do I call, do I stay away, do I try to make things right when I don’t know what is wrong?

Well, I think I’ll take the line my husband does. I’ve agonised long enough. It’s a pointless waste of time so now I’ll simply move on and leave the other person to decide what it is they really want and if they ever get real and honest they can simply communicate that to me.

I can almost see the humorous side to this vexing human behaviour if it wasn’t so terribly sad, frustrating and pitiful. To gain some insight into this troublesome behaviour I paused to reflect on why I behaved this way in the past (I’m darn sure I’ll not do it again now I’ve been on the receiving end. I can almost hear my husband cheering now)? I think it came about as a sense of self righteousness (I’m very good at that), I think it was about expecting things to be the way I wanted them and not accepting reality, I think too it came from not fully understanding the situation from the other person’s perspective. I’m not sure what drives others but there is the learning for me and the opportunity for me to grow as a person from this recent, heartbreaking interaction.

Let’s enrich our communication with each other: say what you mean, mean what you say, don’t be mean but honest with yourself and others because anything else is a pointless waste of time and can, at times, be terribly destructive.

Blessings to all as I now venture into truth and clear communication. Join me if you will.

20130719-103732.jpg

Advertisements

4 thoughts on “Cloaked communication is like trying to see through a dirty window.

  1. I know sometimes I just need time out from ‘some One’. I know that because every single thing is annoying to me, their voices grate and set me on edge. I have NO idea why it even happens half the time and then I can get the guilts cos it is not their fault I am in avoid and leave me alone mode, is it? It is like a switch gets turned off. I assume (wrongly in most cases) ‘they’ can feel the ‘pushing away’ energies and can make the choice to make it personal or get the hint and back away for a bit. Majority of the time people are too obtuse to read the signs, feel the signs or even hear the words, then it can turn ugly.

    I hope I make sense? I have been very very on edge for months and can quite literally only take to being around ‘some’ people. The thought of having to work in the ‘real’ world I find quite daunting, jumping those hoops and being politically correct is so tiring. My heavy shoes don’t take to tip toeing on eggshells. I really am being quite vulnerable in sharing publicly my thoughts here. Why people say I am too blunt, I don’t know? Especially because I censor myself hugely. I do!

    Doesn’t that happen with every One? Like a weaving of relationships, the ebb and flow of natural cycles. And every relationship is different anyways. What is that saying, seasons etc.

    Life here on earth as a human is a huge jigsaw puzzles where too many of the pieces look the same, therefore harder to slot into ‘place’.

    Amen.

    • Vicki, thank you for being vulnerable, opening up and sharing how you feel.

      There are times when I too need to back away and take a break from people but from now on if they ask if everything is okay, I’ll tell them; ‘I just need some time to myself’. If I continue to say things like, ‘everything’s okay’, ‘I’m fine’, ‘no it’s not you’; then I won’t get the peace I desire or the break I need. I don’t need to be mean and say ‘you are giving me the shits right now, everything about you is irking me’. That would be hurtful and there isn’t much coming back from that one.

      As you say, not everyone can read between the lines so I guess we need to be as clear as possible without being hurtful.

      Look, bluntness is required at times and again, some people don’t like it and will be affronted by it but they also like deluding themselves that everything is hunky dory when it isn’t.
      In the end all we can do is our best. Be you. Do what’s right for you in the situations you are faced with. Again, thank you so very much for your vulnerability around this topic.

      • We humans can be quite complex.
        The thought just jumped into my head, my daughter from a young age would say ‘get out of my bubble’. which was her way of saying ‘keep away, I need my space’.
        We (and her brother) used to have back and fro’s on whose turn it was to leave the house, to go out, as we all liked to be home alone. haha sounds funny but true!

        V*

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s