Cloaked communication is like trying to see through a dirty window, the whole world become distorted. It’s time to get clear and say what we mean and mean what we say.
I’ve come to realise we humans are a funny lot at times. Recently this has become evident for me in the lack of clear, honest communication. When people aren’t honest with themselves or with those around them how are we to make clear meaning of what is said?
Many of us take literally what people say and then are confused when the other person’s actions, tone and manner are not congruent with their words. When people say one thing but mean another that’s just plain confusing, hurtful and dishonest.
We do not have to be mean to say what we mean but for goodness sake if you are upset, angry, mad, sad, disappointed just say it and then be clear about what has upset you, made you mad, angry, sad or disappointed. That way both parties are on the same page. It’s terribly disconcerting to have someone tell you everything is fine to then witness them behaving in ways that betray their very words.
Being on the receiving end of this type of “communication” leaves you wondering what upset the status quo and you feel as though you are negotiating your way through a minefield (or should I say mindfield). I am guilty of this. I have done this to my husband at times and expected him to be a mind reader and just know what is going on in my head. The poor thing, he hasn’t got a chance.
Having been on the receiving end of this behaviour lately I now have a crystal clear understanding of just how dreadful this cloaked, cloudy communication is to experience. I’ve been left constantly wondering, agonising, questioning myself – what went wrong? What is it that is really bothering this person? They say nothing is wrong but they indicate through their every interaction that that simply is not the case. What do I do: do I call, do I stay away, do I try to make things right when I don’t know what is wrong?
Well, I think I’ll take the line my husband does. I’ve agonised long enough. It’s a pointless waste of time so now I’ll simply move on and leave the other person to decide what it is they really want and if they ever get real and honest they can simply communicate that to me.
I can almost see the humorous side to this vexing human behaviour if it wasn’t so terribly sad, frustrating and pitiful. To gain some insight into this troublesome behaviour I paused to reflect on why I behaved this way in the past (I’m darn sure I’ll not do it again now I’ve been on the receiving end. I can almost hear my husband cheering now)? I think it came about as a sense of self righteousness (I’m very good at that), I think it was about expecting things to be the way I wanted them and not accepting reality, I think too it came from not fully understanding the situation from the other person’s perspective. I’m not sure what drives others but there is the learning for me and the opportunity for me to grow as a person from this recent, heartbreaking interaction.
Let’s enrich our communication with each other: say what you mean, mean what you say, don’t be mean but honest with yourself and others because anything else is a pointless waste of time and can, at times, be terribly destructive.
Blessings to all as I now venture into truth and clear communication. Join me if you will.